Best Commercial

Kind of random, but I was thinking about all the good "NBA: Where Amazing Happens" Commercials from the playoffs, and deemed that this was the best one

Goodell: Why So Serious?

PINNO - On August 8th, 2006, Roger Goodell was chosen as successor to Paul Tagliabue as commissioner of the NFL. This title is no joke, as it is essentially the person who holds the most power in the Nation's most popular sport. Goodell is to the NFL what White Goodman is to Globo-Gym. Now, Tagliabue is one of the most beloved commissioners of all time, and is the closest thing to God we will see on planet Earth. He always seemed to make the right call, and always had a cool head. There was something special about him walking out at the NFL Draft to announce what team was officially "on the clock." There were obviously some criticisms of Tagliabue, but these mostly consisted of things like the revenue disparity between high and low revenue teams, or the fact that he does not have a large football background and lacks charisma. But most of these criticisms were benign and overall his rating as commissioner was excellent. However, after 17 years as commissioner he decided to hang it up, and in came younger, cockier, and former NFL intern, Roger Goodell.

Goodell started as an administrative intern when he was 21 for then-Commissioner Pete Rozelle. Many praised his rise through the administration to COO in 2001, especially considering his internship was gained through an extensive letter writing campaign on his part. After Tagliabue announced he was to retire, Goodell was ultimately the consensus vote as his replacement. However, it was soon clear to many that he was not going to take the same approach that Tagliabue did: a calm, judicial, and usually correct approach. Goodell took the tough guy approach. There had been some scandal off the field that year for sure. Adam Jones and Chris Henry had been the focus of poor off-field decisions, but the most harsh punishment we really saw from Tagliabue was a 4-game suspension. The players were not ready for Goodell's new 'NFL Personal Conduct Policy'. In his first serious player conduct moves, he suspended Chris Henry for 8 games of the 2007 season and suspended Adam "Pacman" Jones for the entire 2007 season. Entire season! Are you kidding me? That was unheard of up to that point. Oh yeah, good idea Goodell, instead of letting a clearly troubled man be distracted from that life by the one thing he's good at, football, why don't you just suspend him for a year in hopes that he becomes a better man as opposed to going to a strip club with $40,000 worth of ones. (oh wait, he did do that(watch the link)).

A few months after these suspensions Goodell gets pissed off again and suspends Tank Johnson for 10 games of the 2007 season after he got in trouble with the law. 10 games? Thats like sitting down to watch a season of 24, but only watching hours 16 through 24 and still hoping you will get something out of it. Just recently in June, he suspended Dante Stallworth indefinitely. Way to go Goodell, you can't decide what to do so you just call it an indefinete suspension in hopes that everyone will eventually forget about Donte Stallworth and that he'll die on the street in 5 years with a Saints' helmet in his arms trying to convince other homeless people that he once upon a time was an NFL player. You're a dick, Goodell.

I didn't mind the way Goodell handled the Michael Vick situation for the past two years, but the call he made recently was outrageous. The Vick case is definitely a delicate one, as many Americans strongly believe he does not deserve to play in the NFL again. I am certainly not one of those people: Vick served a lot of time in jail for what he did, and now he needs to be back on the field doing what he was born to do. I thought Goodell understood that, until on July 27th, just a few days ago, he announced that Vick will be suspended the first six games of the upcoming season before he can play again. Why? Seriously, why? What is the point? He already hasn't played for two years and many fans will be critical of his return, so obviously it's going to be tough enough for him to get signed by a team. But yeah, just throw in a six game suspension just to chafe Vick a little. Six games? Why not 7, or 5, or 3 and 1/2. Be a little more arbitrary with the six games Goodell, oh wait, you can't be.

Alas, many have praised Goodell for his firm stance on player conduct, and perhaps it has scared players into being a little less reckless at clubs, bars, or whatever nightlife they attend to. However, I think Goodell's stance has been way too tough, and more of a Dictatorship than a Democracy. Ok Goodell, you were an intern in 1982, and you worked were way up so almost 30 years later you're the Commissioner of the NFL. Nice job, but just because you grinded to get where you are, doesn't mean you have to bring down Thor's Hammer to players in the NFL who need to be slapped in the face, not slapped with $500,000 fines and entire season suspensions. One more thing, is you're wife hot or not? Because I can't tell, and it's really starting to piss me off.

"The List"

LOOP - Yesterday it was released that Manny Ramirez and Big Papi Ortiz both tested positive for performance enhancing drugs in 2003. I woke up at about 11 am and promptly went on ESPN.com (usually how I begin my day), and learned of this unsettling news. At about 11:15 I went on facebook and saw about 11 status updates on the topic. "2004* 2007*" "Papi, how could you? My childhood is ruined." No, your childhood is ruined because your parents don't love you, not because these two names are on this list.

This thing is pissing everyone off. Everyone. What the hell is this list? Does someone somewhere have a piece of yellow legal pad paper with 100+ names written in crayon on it? It feels like the person who has this sheet of paper in their back pocket is just screwing with the baseball world in this form of chinese water torture name releasing. As a baseball fan, my worst fear is that we're going to get 2 names at a time every few months for the next 5 years.

However, This does in no way invalidate what my Bo Sox did in 2004 or 2007, they tested positive for performance enhancers in '03, so if you want to take away our ALCS runner up plaque, go ahead. This isn't revolutionary France, so in '04 and '07, when the rings were won, these two lovable Dominicans are still innocent until proven otherwise. This test wasn't even a test, really. It was an exercise Bud Selig set up to gauge the amount of users in baseball at the time. The deal was if 5% of players tested showed up positive, steroid testing in the MLB would be implemented.

I hate to disappoint those of you out there who think you found something to taint what the Sox have done in this decade (bitter, jaded Yankee fans), but this is unquestionably insufficient. Keep looking, haters, we'll see you all in October.

Tim Tebow: Legend or Victim to Hype?

The Sports Bros are inclined towards the common man. Sure we like the Lebron's, Tiger's, Federer's (we hate Federer), Jordan's, Jeter's and Hornacek’s of the world. However, more so than the love of larger than life athletes, yours truly has a specific inclination towards playing-field heroes who are flawed underdogs and common men. Tom Watson, Andy Roddick, David Duval, Gus Frerotte, Todd Jones, Bill Mueller, Fred Couples (note: uncommonly buttery swing). The point here is that Tim Tebow is perhaps the least flawed athlete of our lifetime. No rap sheet, no accidental gaffe’s with the media, no drunkathlete.com pictures. The kid is an admitted virgin who speaks at prisons in his spare time while he isn’t doing missionary service in the Philippines. It begs the question, especially in light of our most detestable sports figures: How one can possibly dislike Tim Tebow?

Tebow is a role model for many, but there are also a great deal of fans across the country who are sick and tired of this kid. I think the media deserves partial blame. Ok seriously guys, we get that you are senior writers for the Worldwide Leader in Sports (and I’m talking to you here Forde, how you got that title is a mystery and a travesty that will never be understood. Write another Stewart Cink puff piece. The British Open was about you, Forde. All sporting events are about you) but at a certain point how much praise is too much praise? We understand that he is a great person, but there is no need to rub it in our faces while constantly reminding us of how many other athletes are assholes and jerks. At a certain point the overflow of love and adoration and praise (see cockboy federer and Dick Vitale nonstop bowl cleaning of psycho T Hansbrough) turn otherwise fans against the “too good to be true” athlete.

In a borderline historic role as Barney Gorman, or the “Garbage Pickin Field Goal Kicking Philadelphia Phenomenon,” Tony Danza reminded us all that even a salt-of-the-earth garbage man from Philadelphia could dream big and eventually make it as a kicker on the Philadelphia Eagles (Note: he strengthened his leg muscles to a ridiculous point by kicking his garbage truck engine). Athletes like Tim Tebow who are so overwhelmingly charismatic, talented, devoted and pious can turn off fans. There are no noticeable flaws, no reflection of most people in a kid who never takes a break from spreading the word of Christ to the the Far East, preaching to inmates, leading his teammates, and becoming a better and better football player on the side. While the world may need more people like Tim Tebow, the public doesn’t necessarily have to hear about it in a way that says “you aren’t doing enough.”

Barney Gorman was just a garbage man with a limited earning capacity and a lack of almost any noticeable skills. While he may not have been an iconic figure or the next Pope, you find me a man who doesn’t connect with Gorman on some level, and I'll show you a liar. 

I’m not saying that I, or anyone else, is rooting for Tebow to make a mistake or to show up on the police blotter.  But for Tebow, as well as the media, I think that a little bit of perspective, a little less about the preaching the church service and more about Tim Tebow as a college student who must curse, tell jokes, talk dirty to females, fart, and grab an ass here or there (male or female) would do him some good.  Maybe we should love him more for being so perfect, but I am a sucker for an ass-grabber. The fact is, and I'm sure many of our readers have picked up on this, the Sports Bros are much more aroused by college athletes like Matty Leinart, Marcus Vick, JJ Redick, and Nick Lachey. We want heros who hold the occasional funnel for the 18-year-old ASU girl, we want role models who go to the occasional practice still drunk from the night before while wreaking of unprotected sex. Less time in the leper colony and more time spent being an actual 21 year old could behoove you, Tebow. Just something to consider. 

P.S. Tebow's girlfriend is stupidly hot. RELAX, Tebow.

Sports Bros’ All Movie Basketball Team

We plan on crafting basketball, baseball, and football squads, and they’re all going to be tough because LSB have a strangely vast knowledge of sports movies. That being said, we’re going to dig much deeper and get far sketchier with our selections, so buckle in.

Head Coach: Norman Dale (“Hoosiers”) – We get it, the cliché character from perhaps the most famous of all sports films, but this is a no brainer. This guy takes some little hick team with like 4 ½ players (the ½ being the little kid, Ollie, who shoots the underhand foul shots), an alcoholic in Dennis Hopper for an assistant, and wins an Indiana state title. He’s tough, he’s fiery, and he practically invented the art of holding that rolled up notebook that probably has nothing written in it.

Assistant Coach: Billy Hoyle ("White Men Can't Jump") – A hustling street ball player in the movie, but I don’t think anyone ever questioned the fact that Hoyle would make the leap in to coaching. He ads a D’Antoni-esque, speedy, up-and-down, offensive mindset that’s the perfect foil to Dale’s grind-it-out, hard nosed, defensive style. Ying and Yang, duality of man, you get the idea.

PG: Calvin Cambridge (“Like Mike”): This was a tricky one to decide, but the kid has all of MJ’s ability because he found his kicks, so you can’t really argue with it. He had cornrows when it was fresh to have cornrows, Dirk sketchily asks him for his autograph, and he has an awesome sidekick in the cute kid with the glasses from “Jerry Maguire.” Lead us Bow Wow.

SG: Jesus Shuttlesworth (“He Got Game”): Banging Rosario Dawson, being recruited by everyone but Krzyzewski (not white enough), and gives it to Denzel in one-on-one. Oh yeah, and he’s Ray Allen so he’s as pure as they come. Seriously, shoot with him in NBA 2k9 and see if you can prevent spontaneous ejaculation.

SF: Jimmy Chitwood (“Hoosiers”): I know, I know, we GET IT, he’s a true 2, but do you know how hard it is to find a natural small forward in movies? No movies revolve around anyone who plays the 3. Also, you just can’t not start Chitwood; he’s Arguably the greatest movie basketball player to ever live. Listen, this isn’t Big 10 basketball; this isn’t Wisconsin trying to beat you 38-34. This is going to be a grossly talented, offensively loaded team that Norman Dale teaches to play defense. Argue with me on Jimmy at SF. No seriously, argue with me.

PF: Ty Crane (“Coach Carter”): “Guys if you’re going to use someone from this movie at least make it Junior Battle, he is such a hard worker out there and it’s so cute that he can’t read.” Shut up and get out. He’s big enough to play this position and guard this position but as versatile as they come in movies. Basically, he’s the fictional Lebron, but bigger and a lefty. When a reporter tries to compare him to Lebron in the film he responds with, “There’s only one Ty Crane.” I know what you’re thinking now: “He’s a cancer, his ego’s too big.” Norman Dale dealing with an oversized ego is sort of like Jenna Jameson dealing with a 10-inch dick: simple and straightforward.

C: Neon Boudreaux (“Blue Chips”): He learned basketball like a week before he got recruited and practically tore down the rim every time he dunked. I’m pretty sure Neon was averaging like 10 dunks and 10 blocks every game, not to mention the fact he’s more intimidating than Ray Lewis at the club. He also worked hard and got the SAT score he needed, and turned down any illegal gifts from the “friends of the program.” Nothing not to like about Boudreaux as your paint presence.

Bench: John Tucker (“John Tucker Must Die”): The guy gets ridiculous amounts of ass.

Bench: Antoine Tyler (“6^th Man”): This Washington Husky was unreal until he died of an on-court heart attack. Now he’s a ghost who helps out his team, what squad wouldn’t want that?

Bench: Kenny Tyler (“6^th Man”): So Antoine has someone to talk to.

Bench: Saleh (“The Air up There”): This kid grew up on the dirt courts of Africa. He’s raw, he’s athletic, and he appreciates the opportunity to play in America on this sort of stage.

Bench: Nate Wilson (“Eddie”): A good-hearted veteran who is going to show some of the younger guys what it means to be a first class athlete and, more importantly, a first class human being.

Manager: Troy Bolton ("High School Musical"): So there's someone to haze.

Jamal Wallace: (“Finding Forester”): A good player and a great writer. He will tell the tale of this team. Through the lens that is his writing we will learn about the players who became men, and the team that became family.

 

 

Top 10 Most Eligible Bachelors in Sports - #6 - Rafael Nadal

Rafael "Rafa" Nadal is a 23 year old Spanish God. He is tennis's World No. 2 and has previously been 1 in the world, but now only lies behind cockboy Roger Federer. He holds the record of being number 2 in the world the longest: (mostly to Roger) 160 weeks. It seemed as if Roger was undoubtedly the best in the world until Nadal came along, posing the biggest match to Federer, especially on Clay, granting him the nickname "The King of Clay". Nadal as won 6 Grand Slam Titles and also won the Gold Medal for singles at the 2008 Olympics.

Nadal's youth gives him a lot of appeal as a bachelor, as well as the fact that he has won approximately $25,000,000 during his career. Thats a lot of bank for a 23 year old. He also has great flow which adds to his tan spanish flare. He rocks great wear on and off the court as well, always looking stylish and making women everywhere fall to their knees in his presence. Rafa Nadal: Spanish, rich, great flow, incredibly talented, number 6 on the Most Eligible Bachelors List.

Top 5 Most Detestable Figures in Sports - #5 - Lane Kiffin

Perhaps the sleaziest human being on the planet. Hot wife. Father Monte is a super bowl champion and tremendously respected throughout the NFL. Lane is just a sleazy gutless kitten. This guy essentially takes a dive in the NFL with one of the league’s historic franchises, capped off with him actually sending Sebastian Janikowski out to attempt a 76 yard field goal. Seriously. Watch it. (Where does Kiffin get the balls to embarrass a stand up guy like Sea-Bass?) Kiffin reaches his goal of getting canned and takes the Tennessee job where he promptly guarantees victory over the gators and calls out Urban Meyer for cheating with a recruit (turns out what Meyer did was in no way illegal prompting a sleazy, awkward and somehow cocky apology from Kiffin). Note: do not speak to Urban Meyer unless spoken to. I don’t even think I could look the man in the eye without either becoming physically aroused or going into cardiac arrest (the former if he is in his Gator windbreaker or if his calf’s or glutes were in my line of vision). Tim Tebow actually said that he would follow Urban Meyer to the gates of hell. Dear lord.

If this paragraph of pain and reality doesn’t make Kiffin abandon his brand of sleaze, the beating that Meyer’s Gators are going to dish out to the Volunteers will suffice. Do not be surprised to see Tebow pull a Johnny Moxon and pop Lane Kiffin with an errant throw. Do not be surprised if Gator middle linebacker Brandon Spikes ritually sacrifices the entire Tennessee special teams unit at midfield. And absolutely do not be alarmed if Urban Meyer has a noticeable rock hard woody poking out of his slacks during the bloodbath. I am ready for anything.

Lane Kiffin, you have some balls degrading a borderline saint in Sebastian Janikowski and taking jabs at the emperor of college football Urban Meyer. You are #5 on sports most detestable human beings.

Honorable mentions:

-Stewart Cink: its not funny Cink take that goofy smile off your face, all you did was weaken a nation on Sunday. Seriously show me your green hat again though. Sweet Cink.

-Alberto Contador: I get it but at the same time I don’t. Who do you think you are?

-Jerome James: too hard to prove you actually play sports.

-Bernie Madoff: not involved in sports but I mean, come on Madoff.

-Fred Couples: if that’s not an obvious joke, there is something wrong with you.

Nike Baseball Commercial

Great potential commercial for Nike baseball set to the music from the NBA's "Where amazing happens" advertising campaign. Nike should listen to the guy who made this thing and fire it up. It gets me all tingly.

Where's the Magic?

BUREY - I have a certain belief about sports. Call it a blend of a distinct naivety, youthful innocence, and unbridled optimism, but I believe that there are, at times, greater forces at work in sport. Maybe I got this from learning to be a Yankees fan in the late 90's. The legends, the 1998 record, the "mystique" of the post 9/11 walk-off wins in the 2001 World Series. Everything seemingly came together at the right times when they should have and I was happy. It wasn't just the Yankees, though. And it wasn't just baseball. I believed that there were sports gods. There were certain things that just had to happen in sport.

US basketball is the dream team. We invented the game, we should win it every year. Yeah, we call the NBA finals the World Championship, and we should right? Cause were the best. There's no way we could ever not win gold at the Olympics. But that's what happened in 2004.

The Red Sox just didn't win the World Series. There was the curse. They don't win. How else could you explain this? Or this? Or this? But then they won, and they won again. And now it's nearly a decade after the Subway Series and I'm starting to wonder if the curse is reversed...

I learned how Tiger was supposed to win every major, and if it wasn't every one it'd be ever other. He was expected to make that putt. He was never, ever supposed to miss the cut.

Are the sports gods that I once thought existed gone? They clearly have left the Yankees. More money, more mercenaries, and less mystique has been the trend of the new millennium. They've left baseball too. Cheating, steroids. McGwire, Sosa, Bonds, A-Rod, Manny, Palmeiro, Clemens, Guillermo Mota...all once thought to be magical players now just outcasts with tarnished reputations. The skepticism surely started with baseball, and now it's spreading to the rest of what I once thought was pure.

I started thinking more about it after reading Loop's thoughts on Watson. It led me to pondering Rocco's heartbreaking loss to Tiger at Torrey Pines. It was almost too unfair. Every person with half a heart was pulling with all their will for an underdog, storybook win, and we just couldn't get it. Instead, Tiger triumphed (couldn't hate that much) and a doofy looking baldy comes out on top. It just wasn't how it was supposed to work.

Two more recent sports stories prompt me to ask: where's the magic?

One is the Tour de France. Lance just wins the Tour de France. Every year. Hasn't it been like 38 in a row or something like that? And then he stopped to give other people a chance? Right? It was the kind of thing that casual fans like me used to bank on so we could seem like we're authorities on cycling. Oh yeah, Lance'll win it again this year. For sure. He's got great...stamina. What a guy. You know he had cancer right? Incredible.

And now, Lance is seemingly throwing in the white flag. Essentially, he's conceding that Astana teammate Alberto Contador has the best chance at winning the race, and he will put all of his efforts to helping his team secure the title. This came as a surprise to me for two reasons. One, Lance isn't winning the Tour. Two, cycling is a team sport. And although Lance has been known to try and act like he's down and out to lull his opponents (or teammates, whatever) to sleep before making a surprise push in the final stages, it's kind of a shock to see such a heroic and proud figure make an admission of defeat. That's actually kind of a downside to Lance (sorry Loop). While he is such an inspiration of hope and determination, he really doesn't have the "can do" attitude in interviews that exude optimism and a never-say-die mantra. It really does feel like he's reluctantly citing his age and other factors for not being able to win, almost grudgingly admitting he'll race for the team's sake. Either way, just not the magical Armstrong stuff we're used to. I'm telling you, the magic is gone.

Secondly, and I'm not going to delve into how much this actually bothers me, but Brett's planned return to the League is really tarnishing what should be looked at as one of the greatest and purest football careers of all time. Alright Brett, I'm glad Brad likes the way you throw, but please don't come back. When he wanted to play for the Jets, I was willing to accept the "hey, he's not doing it for the money, he just loves the game" reasoning to make myself feel better about the fact that he's ruined his lifelong Packer image. Also, I loved yelling Brett the Jet and Jet Favre whenever Pinno was playing me in Madden. But now, he's really crossing the line. Coming back to the NFC North to play two games against the team that gave him his aura and his greatness? I just can't stomach it. It's exactly what I'm talking about, as if the sports gods don't care about legacies, mystique, or magic anymore. Brett Favre? a Viking? In the name of all that is good and pure, please make it stop.

Sports gods, you've ruined baseball, taken my Yankees, given life to the Sox, made basketball a second tier sport in the US, made Tiger mortal, broken the heart of every golf fan twice, made Lance look like a heartless whiner, and now your forcing thousands of Green Bay residents to burn their number 4 jerseys. Please, here my plea. Let us feel the magic of sport again.

Is there anyone up there? Anyone?

What Could Have Been

LOOP - At one point, I believe when Tom Watson was a shot up on the 71st hole of the Open Championship at Turnberry, Mike Tirico commented on the importance and the specialness of this situation. We live in an age in which we try and compare every situation to another situation, but there just isn’t anything you can compare this to. Golf is unique, and this Open was unique in it. Watson was one par away, one 8 footer away from doing something unthinkable. For so long in the 70’s and 80’s, when Tom Watson was still Tom Watson, he made his living on those putts, because the great ones always do. He made a weak, scared, nervous stroke and was forced in to a 4-hole playoff with Baldy Cink.

59-year-old Tom Watson carried around the burden of the Open lead all week after his shocking 65 on day one. Cink makes one putt on 18 and putts himself in to the lead for the first time all week. And then the disaster that was the playoff came. It could have been fatigue, it could have been nerves, it could have just been that the magic ran out for Watson, but after about three swings in that sudden death you could tell that midnight had struck on this possible miracle on the links.

The fact is, sometimes sports just break your heart. It’s happened to me twice this year. Listen, Stuey, we get it, you’re a grinder and you haven’t won a major. You deprived us of a top 5 sports moment of all time perhaps, and certainly in golf. The Boondock Saints killed for less. I have trouble believing that Cink’s immediate family was rooting for him to win in that playoff. It was a great Open, but it obviously could have been so much more. In the press conference after Cink had raised the Claret Jug, Watson was just painfully, brutally, and gracefully honest. “It would have been a hell of a story,” he said. He talked about how it hurts like it always had. Once a competitor always a competitor.

There are two specific events that this made me look back on, even though, as I said before, you can’t compare this to anything in the history of this game or of sport in general: Roddick v. Federer at Wimbledon, and Mickelson at Winged Foot. Everyone wanted the American at Wimbledon, everyone wanted him to win that marathon, and everyone wanted Phil at Winged Foot (chafe you, Phil). Instead, the Swiss robot took home his 5th title at the All England Club, and Geoff Ogilvy fell in the US Open as he was probably driving home from Mamaroneck. Both have certain aspects in common, but this trumps them all. A bigger story, a bigger disappointment, and maybe the most painful could-have-been I’ve ever witnessed.

He was playing for every golfer on the wrong side of their prime, every athlete hanging on to a sport longer than they should, and any older person anywhere trying to feel young again. It was one hell of a run, one hell of a week at Turnberry. I hope it reminds people that special moments in sports can come from anywhere, and that special moments in golf can come from someone other than Tiger Woods. We love you, Tom.

Suck it, Cink.

Talkin' Bout Practice Remix

NBA Summer League Overview

There have been many impressive rookies so far in the NBA summer league that have been dazzling their coaches. Here are the top 5 rookies of the summer thus far:

1. Anthony Randolph (Warriors): Shut up, I know Randolph isn't a rookie, but he played only about 18 mpg last year (a stat which should double this year) and his summer league thus far is too good not to mention. Although the Don (Nelson (look at this belly)) didn't play him nearly enough (which led to Randolph occasionally crying on the bench), Randolph will most likely be the starting PF for the squad next season. He is averaging 26.8 ppg and 8.5 rpg in the summer league, and also had a very legit 42 point effort last week. He only averaged 8 ppg and 6 rpg last year, but considering he was only allowed to play 18 minutes a game, and that he is more experienced, I expect that his success in the summer league is not a fluke.
2. Blake Griffin (Clippers): Ok Blake, chill out, we know you're fresh. Clearly, he wasn't sure we knew, posting an aggressive 22 ppg and 11 rpg in summer league. It's always a concern that summer league numbers are inflated, but considering that the Clippers don't have many intimidating guys on their roster, it seems as though Blake will be getting a lot of touches. With Eric Gordon also being a promising young star, the Clippers look like they might have a nice future. But the re-singing of Coach Dunleavy may be bad for Blake/anyone on the Clippers. We'll see.
3. Stephen Curry (Warriors): Am I biased towards Curry and is putting him at number 3 a little high? Yes. Do I love Curry and would I take a bullet for him? Yes. Seriously, my hands shake just when I type his name. If he presented, I would s-.....you catch my drift. Anyway, Curry is putting up a fresh 20, 5, and 5. Not to mention close to 3 steals per game. I mean, he had 27 second half points against Sacramento, as well as the game winning shot (or layup) . Although Curry, Donnie Walsh, and I were all quite saddened when he did not drop to the Knicks, it seems as though Curry has already gotten quite used to the idea of playing for Golden State. With the promising potential of his teammate who is mentioned earlier in this post, it seems as though Curry may have a very nice rookie season stat-wise.
4. Jonny Flynn (T-Wolves): Flynn was probably pissed to go to Minnesota after the GM Kahn drafted standout point-guard Ricky Rubio, but Flynn has not let whatever feelings he might have effect him on the court. Jonny is posting a very nice 12 ppg, but a summer league 2nd 10.5 assists per game. Aside from Rubio, Flynn was the most skilled point guard in the draft, and may be an all-star in a year or two, despite his height. His quickness, passing, and handling are all way above average and I'm sure his teammates Jefferson and Love will be appreciative.
5. Tyreke Evans (Kings): Tyreke has had some very nice stats thus far (20, 7, and 4) which is a good sign for the Kings that he will be confident running the point. However, his lack of sharing the ball is definitely a bad sign. In his first game, he had only 2 assists (with more turnovers), and though he had much ease at attacking the basket, some inside the organization must be worried about his lack of selflessness, though they say he is just growing. Tyreke has very nice numbers, especially his surprisingly high amount of rebounds, but he will only be a triple-double threat if he learns to pass the ball.

Fred Couples on Round 1 of the Open Championship

The first round at the 2009 Open Championship, so we thought we'd call in senior analyst and PGA Tour Pro Fred Couples for some insight. Fred is not competing in this year's Open and will be able to add a lot to our coverage from the outside looking in.

Q: Fred, thanks for joining us, its truly an honor. To be honest I didn’t know you weren’t playing this tournament until midway through the afternoon tee times. I was borderline enraged when I “searched” couples to no avail.
A: Yeah I mean in the interest of full disclosure I have to admit I prepared for this tournament pretty hard and showed up on Tuesday only to be told by Turnberry officials that I didn’t “qualify.” I guess not mis-hitting a golf ball for nearly 800 days doesn’t get you what it used to. I didn't realize hitting consistently perfect irons and being the nicest man since Mr. Rogers doesn't get you any exemptions. My mistake I guess.

Q: Fred you are a mans man through and through.
A: (Nods)

Q: I mean you are a first class guy. No one does it better Fred and I mean no one. Seriously.
A: (Grins and tips his visor)

Q: I gotta ask, what does it feel like to know you are one of the great ball strikers in the history of the human body but to only have one major championship to show for it?
A: In short, not good. I’ll tell you this though I left it all out there every single time. While I may not be known as a champion, not a human being on this earth dislikes me. I am good looking. Golf Digest has given me the Steve Elkington memorial “greatest thighs award” two years in a row. I have a shit load of money. I get to wear a visor to work…you get my drift I think.

Q: Not a lot of visors at this years Open Championship.

A: I heard some rumors that it was a demonstration of respect for someone absent from the field who's probably the best ball striker to ever play, but those are just rumors.

Q: Nothing but class, Fred, first f'ing class.
A: Uh huh.

Q: Lets talk about this wacky leaderboard at Turnberry. Go
A: We got a guy who wears a thong on the golf course in Jimenez at 64 and a 59 year old has-been at 65. Tom Watson couldn’t beat me in mini-golf. Jimenez is a soul-less she-devil, but hey the guy grinds and contends. I played nine with him once, he doesn’t speak a lick of English. Not a lick. After the round he asked me if I wanted to shave his back. I did it. That’s how I am, that's what I do. I would take a bullet for a complete stranger.

Q: What do you think about Ben Curtis's chances? I mean, the guy has proven he can do it in Open Championship golf.

A: Who?

Q: Talk to us a little bit about John Daly
A: No.

A: Your golf game is really flawed around the green, isn't it?
Q: No doubt about it. At the end of the day I liken myself to a greek god. My fatal flaw is my flat stick and my incredible propensity to choke it down in huge moments. These flaws are that of the common man. Fred Couples is the common man. Put two and two together.

Q: If you could make putts, and were not a perennial choke artist what would be different today?
A: A lot. The problem is being able to strike the ball the way I can from the fairway, practicing putting is just boring. Seriously the sensation I feel every time I pure a golf shot with a wedgey or long iron rivals the kind of buzz most people get on their first hit of meth. I wouldn’t trade my style of play for anything. But to answer your question a little more directly, if I could putt as well as well as I hit the white ball tee to green, I'd win every tournament by five strokes or more.

Q: (Laughs)

A: What's funny?

A: Some have called you the perfect man.
Q: More than some.

Top 10 Most Eligible Bachelors in Sports - #7 - Joe Mauer

Sliding in at #7 on our list is All-Star catcher, All-American boy, and all around stud, Joe Mauer. Mauer, 26, who as far as the Sports Bros can gather is single, or single enough, is the catcher for the Minnesota Twins. In 2001 the Twins selected Mauer out of high school with the #1 overall pick in the draft. Since then, Mauer has 2 batting titles, 3 All-Star appearances, and a gold glove to his name. In high school, Mauer might have actually been more of a pussy magnet then he is now. He was named "National High School Quarterback Of The Year" in 2000 by The National Quarterback Club (lead his football team to a state championship in '99), and was an All-State basketball player, as well. He's currently in the midst of a 4-year, 33 million dollar contract with the Twins. If this were a "best sideburns in sports" list, he would undoubtably be at the top. Joe Mauer: Modest, wholesome, dreamy, athletic, single. Sports Bros' #7 most eligible bachelor in sports.

Very Superstitious

One of our readers, SportsBro Alex Kaskel, has recently pointed out a great top 10 of the most bizarre athlete superstitions. We've all heard of athletes doing weird stuff to get them ready for games (Wade Boggs ate a bucket of fried chicken, Clemens used to get a trainer to rub Icy Hot on his balls to get him "pumped up" to pitch...) but this list provides a diverse array of strange rituals. I'm not sure you can count peeing as your hands (Moises Alou) as superstitious (I think it actually hardens your hands so you don't need batting gloves), but it did result on one of my favorite Sports Illustrated "They Said It"'s of all time...

When asked about Moises Alou peeing on his hands while playing for the cubs, Dusty Baker said, "I have noticed a lot of guys avoid giving him high fives, they usually just give him the fist."

Top 10 Most Eligible Bachelors in Sports - #8 - Dwight Howard

Dwight Howard is #8 on the Most Eligible Bachelors List. Dwight is a gargantuan man, standing tall at nearly 7 feet (6'11). However, is incredible hulk size is deemed acceptable by most ladies, considering its vital to his success in the N.B.A., and the fact that it means his junk is inversely proportional to Mr. Mackey's. Dwight went straight to the N.B.A. out of college, which is a good thing from a girls standpoint because he's probably at their lower level than most guys intellectually.

Howard is only 23 and has an $80 million contract, as well as the nickname "Superman." He has been to the NBA Finals and was the starting center of the U.S.A. team that won the Gold Medal in the Olympics. Factor this in with the fact that he has a great smile, a great sense of humor, and is a devoted Christian (which is a big turn-on for most girls). Ladies are going to have to wear some large high heels to not look like a midget next to him; however, I think he has enough things going for him that ladies will deal with his massiveness. Dwight Howard: successful, strong, young, good-looking, funny, #8 on Sports Most Eligible Bachelors.

Obama's First Pitch

Tonight sports fans across the nation will tune in to the Midsummer Classic as baseball's best battle it out for home field advantage in the World Series (a sketchy incentive). The NL hasn't won in forever but have managed to produce what looks to be a team capable of winning this thing for the first time in twelve years. Regardless of all of that, this night promises to be interesting for a very different reason: The implications of the first pitch, to be thrown by our 44th President, Barack Obama. These things have always fascinated me. Where will they throw from? How good is their arm? Will it be a strike?

I was never a fan of Obama's predecessor, George W. Bush, but in the 2001 World Series, in the aftermath of the attacks on the World Trade Center, he delivered what I still consider to be one of the coolest moments to ever grace a baseball diamond. With a secret service agent disguised as an umpire, a heavy Kevlar vest protecting his chest, in the wake of the greatest terrorist attack of our generation, W. strolled out to the rubber, and from the full 60 ft. 6 inches delivered a perfect strike. Now St. Louis is no New York, the all-star game is no World Series, the recession is no 9/11 (in terms of impact and emotion), but Obama's toss means something, whether we want to admit it or not. Tonight the man that represents our entire nation will partake in the most American of traditions. Will he do old W. one better? Only time will tell.

Matt Cassel - Making Bank?

Career backup (seriously, collegiate and professionally) Matt Cassel has just signed a six year, $63 million deal with the Kansas City Chiefs. Somewhere, Matt Leinhart just dropped his funnel in disbelief.

The franchise tag on the ex-Pat backup guarantees him $28 million, and he is scheduled to make upwards of $10 million each year. All in all, not bad for a guy who has started less than 20 games in his career.

While it might piss some people off (cough...Leinhart...cough) to see a guy like Cassel haul in some major dough after one season in which he didn't even lead his team to the playoffs, this type of story is so common in sports. As a Yankee fan, trust me, I know.

As it turns out, the Matt Cassel technique is becoming an increasingly viable option for professional athletes everywhere. It doesn't take an established career to haul in the big money. Even in horrible economic times, teams throw around insane amounts of cake, fearing that they're gonna miss out on the next big free agent.

Cassel is a sure fire example of it in the NFL, the Yankees pull one every year (AJ Burnett comes immediately to mind), and with the Magic matching the Mavs offer of 5 years, $34 million to keep backup center Marcin Gortat, we know something is seriously wrong, especially when we find out that "the Polish Hammer" was actually disappointed with the deal...

Bottom line, it takes one well-timed, good year to get paid if you're a pro athlete these days. Sometimes, it doesn't even take that. The contract year is the equivalent of serious beer goggles for any GM. Putting up a flukish walk year is the equivalent of turning to your buddy and saying "Hey man, she's actually not that bad" after your fifteenth beer (fifth beer for Loop). While I'm not saying Cassel will bust (he's gotta be better than Brodie Croyle), I would think GMs everywhere would be starting to learn from all the mistakes they've made.

As for Cashman, let him spend all he wants.

Batting Stance Guy Does It All

Courtesy of BroBible, we discovered this guy today. Gar Ryness, who appears to be just an average bro, possesses the incredible ability to imitate nearly every MLB batting stance, past and present. By doing this he has achieved every SportsBros dream of making a living doing a completely useless activity. In honor of the All-Star Game, he appeared on Letterman last night, but if you check out his website you can find links to his YouTube channel and see him impersonate your favorite teams' lineup. The above video is just him clowning around with Manny (who loves it). Below, you see him bring his skills to the big time with Dave on late night.

A Trip Through the Mind of David Duval

The 2009 Open Championship is right around the corner now, and the Sports Bros thought that in anticipation of such an event, we would take a look at some of this year's most likely contenders. Obviously we'll begin with David Duval.

Q: David, you are coming off a borderline historic US Open runner-up finish, what do you take away from that and how does it help you going into the British Open?

A: First and foremost it was a great pay day. I pretty much knew I wasn’t going to win but I was really rooting for Mickelson or Barnes to choke it down at the end so I could have sole possession of second place and ensure myself an extra 200k, which is enough for one more year of me ignoring my golf game and focussing on my gut. Didn’t work out so I was a little unhappy, but Phil and I closed a Hooters after the round on his dime which was awesome. Ricky Barnes is a spineless bitch. I’m gonna punch him in the face if I ever see him again.

It was nice to put that chunk of change in the bank. Nike no longer sponsors me in any formal way or financial way, so I have been living off of the scraps of my frequent 80+ rounds. I mostly dine at all you can eat buffets to stretch the dollar and my waist line, a motto my life has been revolved around for the last 7 to 8 years.

As far as the British Open goes I expect to win. Period. World #1's have never lost when its been played at Turnberry, so that makes me pretty confident. I hope the conditions include gale force wins and hard rain. I have a bigger body than most allowing me to keep warm in bitter cold, I also love to cram putts and hammer long irons at pins. If the weather is as brutal as I hope it is I expect to win by a wide margin. My gameplan is to shoot a first round 61 or 62 and then hit fairways and greens the rest of the way.

Q: You were the 882nd ranked player in the world prior to the US Open.
A: What's your point?

Q: Camillo Villegas was voted sexiest man on tour for the second year in a row, a lot of people think you should have at least been in the conversation, what do you say to those who voted against you?
A: I get this question a lot, but I don't have a ton to say about it. Camillo has the body of a belly dancer I used to date in Vegas. I feel like my body is more representative of the common man. My face is a little more symmetrical. I think I have more hair on my ass than he has on his body. His lips are better. He's a house cat and I'm a silverback ape. It's a tossup I guess.

Q: A lot has been made of your fall from glory. I mean you onced graced the cover of SI blowing out a flame off a golf club (shown above) in a photo op that certainly rivals almost anything ever done with a 8X10 shot. Go.

A: That was a great shoot (chuckles to himself and massages gut, followed by goatee). I personally don’t think there is much difference between what I can do on a course and what say, a Tiger Woods does. He has gotten some lucky breaks. I’ve missed a couple chances and shot a lot of above 80 scores that aren’t necessarily representative of how I have played. Do you realize that if it hadn’t been for a mistimed 3rd round 83 I probably win the British Open last year? I shot a f****** 59 once.

Q: Uh huh. Talk about how you have been preparing for Turnberry?
A: I don’t prepare physically in the traditional sense. I played a 2 day hooters tour event in Myrtle Beach about 2 weeks ago and won by 18 shots. I didn’t play in Tiger’s tournament. I had to make an appearance at this titty bar I like in Jacksonville. Signed some autographs, took some pictures and pulled down some serious coin. Why does Tiger Woods have his own tournament?

Q. I don't know. David, in 2001 Tiger Woods woke up in the morning and thought about how he was going to deal with David Duval. What's changed since then?

A. Now he's married, so he probably wakes up hoping I didn't give his wife the tongs the night before in his guest house.

Q: What Inspires you?

A: My mirror.

Lance Nike Ad, Pure Magic

If there are any uncertainties about our feelings towards Lance, refer to the article below.

Ask Los Sports Bros

Los Sports Bros want to hear what you have to say. Send us questions, comments, or just stuff you want to talk about or you want us to talk about to lossportsbros@gmail.com. Every week (and everyday, if possible) we'd like to get readers involved and get your input as well. So if you're a bro and you like sports, shoot us an e-mail and everybody can get in on the action.

Burey, Pinno, and Loop

Weekend Round-Up: Heartbreak, Halos, and the Hamptons

BUREY - Apologies for the hiatus. This weekend I took a somewhat undeserved couple of days off to be glamorous in the Hamptons, while I missed a weekend in sports that only served to pain me as the Yanks continued to be dominated by the Halos, losing three straight as the Sox fattened their AL East lead up to 3 against Kansas City. The story of the weekend against the formerly known as California moved to Anaheim and named to represent the people of greater Los Angeles County Angels just brutalized Yankee pitching, roughing up Andy, Joba, and even fat CC. That's not to mention the damage they did to the bullpen, but what do you expect when we have to roll the dice and trot Brett Tomko out there to keep us in the game? Alas, lady luck is a fickle mistress...

So basically I took a few days off to distance myself from the hapless Yanks (who managed to fuck up not one, but two bases loaded, no-outs late-inning situations on Sunday) and what I thought was all that is pure, wholesome, and truly American: Little League baseball.

On Friday night a friend and I battled rush hour traffic to get to New Canaan and watch the Greenwich 12 year old All-Star team take on New Canaan in the finals of the District 1 Championship. With my little brother suiting up for the Greenwich side my allegiances clearly lay with the visitors, but I wasn't terribly caught up in the nerves and emotion of the gut-wrenching game. The stakes were high: a Greenwich loss meant the end of their All-Star season in their last year of Little League.

Anyway, fast forward to the top of the sixth inning. After several controversial calls (one being a out call at home where the New Canaan catcher dropped the ball on a tag and another being a ground rule double by New Canaan that went under the fence, called a home run by the field umpire and later reversed), Greenwich trailed 3-2 and was down to their last two outs. The Greenwich second basemen (after making a run-saving diving play in the bottom of the fifth) lofts a high fly ball that carries towards the fence. The New Canaan CF backs up to the track, reaches over, but can only watch as the game-tier drops on the other side of the orange tarp. The Greenwich bench explodes, parents are cheering wildly on the sidelines, and the entire New Canaan side is silenced. The emotionally charged Greenwich hero jumps in joy around the bases as his teammates await him at the plate. After the late inning heroics tension is still high, the fans are ready for more baseball and everything seems right with the world. And that's when the people at Sax Middle School witnessed one of the most pathetic things ever seen on a baseball diamond in the history of our coveted game.

After the play, the New Canaan head coach instructs his pitcher to throw to second and appeal if the runner touched the base. He throws over to the shortstop and in one of the most surreal moments I've ever witnessed the field umpire raises his hand to signal "out". What happened next can only be described as sheer madness.

Greenwich parents, fans, and players alike erupt in disbelief. The coaches sprint on to the field, the players press up against the fence and raise their hand in disbelief. Both Greenwich and New Canaan Little League baseball commissioners run on to the diamond as well to discuss the controversy. Meanwhile, the New Canaan first base coach pumps his fist in celebration as his kids celebrate their apparent great skill and excellence as a team. I don't believe anybody could think clearly at that point. The umpire who made the call (who looked something like a cross between this guy and Gonzo from the Muppets) tried to defend his call as the Greenwich hero is simply devastated on the bench. While the men on the field discuss the controversy parents scream to pull the Greenwich team off the field to protest the game (and what was truly a series of unthinkably bad calls in favor of New Canaan). One particularly perturbed parent (who I may or may not be related to) yells "LET THE KIDS PLAY!!!!" and storms off to the parking lot, lawn chair in hand, to let his emotions cool and avoid the possibility of getting arrested. Somewhere in the chaos the game continues (there is no way to overturn the call) and the deflated next batter for Greenwich strikes out. People are still yelling and protesting the call as the New Canaan teams somehow feels like they deserve to dog pile on the field. The umpires try to discreetly leave the scene. I somehow find myself in their faces telling them how pathetic they are, and Gonzo tells somebody to call the police. My friend (visiting from Phoenix, AZ) insists that he throw a haymaker and start a brawl, and is quickly told by a doofy looking Asian parent (who looks like a 6' 4" version of this guy) to "respect the umpires". Ok buddy...

I've truly never seen anything like it. It was disgusting, pathetic, and despicable. What was especially revolting was the way the New Canaan coach (and some players, too) reveled in the victory. A few respectable New Canaan parents came over to apologize, however, and the protests continued as the commissioners tried to figure out if there would be a way to appeal the game or do anything so it wouldn't have to end with such a bogus call.

The situation was eerily similar to this Rick Reilly article about a collegiate softball game. Not only was the coach for New Canaan the same kind of scumbag who would feel good about winning a game in that way, but the umpire made the situation even more revolting. After the New Canaan player who got his double turned into a homer then turned back into a double was sent back to the base, he gave a high five to him... The coincidences seemed to strong not to at least hint at some kind of fixing, but it couldn't be, I mean it's Little League right?

In that situation, it is entirely inexcusable to make a call like that. In such a high-stakes, high-pressure scenario with 12-year old kids, you have to be 300% sure the kid missed the bag to call that. Absolutely dead certain. Every person on the field saw the Greenwich player practically jump on the bag as he rounded the bases, and what's even more suspicious is that after the game, the New Canaan shortstop (who happens to be the son of the d-bag coach) admitted to the heartbroken Greenwich player that he saw him touch the bag. Well, at least it looks like that the apple might have fallen a safe distance from the tree in this case. I have no idea what could have prompted the guy to make this call. At this point there is no way the kid blatantly missed the bag, at the very worst it was unbelievably close, and there is no possibility that the asshole umpire could have made the call nearly 100 feet away (he was standing behind first base). Either way, that's just not what Little League baseball is supposed to be. Maybe it was a life time of underachievement as a human being that made him feel spiteful enough to break a whole team of 12 year olds' hearts. Maybe it was the fact that he's like 60 years old and still a Little League umpire. Maybe it's because he is the retarded child of a Muppet and the guy from Home Alone. It's probably because he was running late to his d-bags anonymous meeting, but we'll never know. The Greenwich kids can take comfort in the fact that by just simply making the 12 year old All Star team they have accomplished more than this umpire has in his entire life, and that they will have plenty more victorious moments in their lives as he probably returns to his shit-hole house every night, jerks off the New Canaan coach, watches some gay porn, and cries himself to sleep.

The only thing I wanted to do after the game is drown my sorrows in alcohol, I was that crushed. I felt bad for the kids, but I felt worse that they were too young to hit the bottle and forget about the game. While the moms brought out some pretty good looking cup cakes to "celebrate" the season, I just had to get out of there. My friend and I rushed home, picked up a 30 of High Life, and jetted off to Southhampton to forget about sports in general for a few days. But alas, 3 nights, a ton of sun, fresh beach, and a good amount of booze later, I'm still thinking about it.

Keep your heads up Greenwich kids.