Obama's First Pitch

Tonight sports fans across the nation will tune in to the Midsummer Classic as baseball's best battle it out for home field advantage in the World Series (a sketchy incentive). The NL hasn't won in forever but have managed to produce what looks to be a team capable of winning this thing for the first time in twelve years. Regardless of all of that, this night promises to be interesting for a very different reason: The implications of the first pitch, to be thrown by our 44th President, Barack Obama. These things have always fascinated me. Where will they throw from? How good is their arm? Will it be a strike?

I was never a fan of Obama's predecessor, George W. Bush, but in the 2001 World Series, in the aftermath of the attacks on the World Trade Center, he delivered what I still consider to be one of the coolest moments to ever grace a baseball diamond. With a secret service agent disguised as an umpire, a heavy Kevlar vest protecting his chest, in the wake of the greatest terrorist attack of our generation, W. strolled out to the rubber, and from the full 60 ft. 6 inches delivered a perfect strike. Now St. Louis is no New York, the all-star game is no World Series, the recession is no 9/11 (in terms of impact and emotion), but Obama's toss means something, whether we want to admit it or not. Tonight the man that represents our entire nation will partake in the most American of traditions. Will he do old W. one better? Only time will tell.

Matt Cassel - Making Bank?

Career backup (seriously, collegiate and professionally) Matt Cassel has just signed a six year, $63 million deal with the Kansas City Chiefs. Somewhere, Matt Leinhart just dropped his funnel in disbelief.

The franchise tag on the ex-Pat backup guarantees him $28 million, and he is scheduled to make upwards of $10 million each year. All in all, not bad for a guy who has started less than 20 games in his career.

While it might piss some people off (cough...Leinhart...cough) to see a guy like Cassel haul in some major dough after one season in which he didn't even lead his team to the playoffs, this type of story is so common in sports. As a Yankee fan, trust me, I know.

As it turns out, the Matt Cassel technique is becoming an increasingly viable option for professional athletes everywhere. It doesn't take an established career to haul in the big money. Even in horrible economic times, teams throw around insane amounts of cake, fearing that they're gonna miss out on the next big free agent.

Cassel is a sure fire example of it in the NFL, the Yankees pull one every year (AJ Burnett comes immediately to mind), and with the Magic matching the Mavs offer of 5 years, $34 million to keep backup center Marcin Gortat, we know something is seriously wrong, especially when we find out that "the Polish Hammer" was actually disappointed with the deal...

Bottom line, it takes one well-timed, good year to get paid if you're a pro athlete these days. Sometimes, it doesn't even take that. The contract year is the equivalent of serious beer goggles for any GM. Putting up a flukish walk year is the equivalent of turning to your buddy and saying "Hey man, she's actually not that bad" after your fifteenth beer (fifth beer for Loop). While I'm not saying Cassel will bust (he's gotta be better than Brodie Croyle), I would think GMs everywhere would be starting to learn from all the mistakes they've made.

As for Cashman, let him spend all he wants.

Batting Stance Guy Does It All

Courtesy of BroBible, we discovered this guy today. Gar Ryness, who appears to be just an average bro, possesses the incredible ability to imitate nearly every MLB batting stance, past and present. By doing this he has achieved every SportsBros dream of making a living doing a completely useless activity. In honor of the All-Star Game, he appeared on Letterman last night, but if you check out his website you can find links to his YouTube channel and see him impersonate your favorite teams' lineup. The above video is just him clowning around with Manny (who loves it). Below, you see him bring his skills to the big time with Dave on late night.

A Trip Through the Mind of David Duval

The 2009 Open Championship is right around the corner now, and the Sports Bros thought that in anticipation of such an event, we would take a look at some of this year's most likely contenders. Obviously we'll begin with David Duval.

Q: David, you are coming off a borderline historic US Open runner-up finish, what do you take away from that and how does it help you going into the British Open?

A: First and foremost it was a great pay day. I pretty much knew I wasn’t going to win but I was really rooting for Mickelson or Barnes to choke it down at the end so I could have sole possession of second place and ensure myself an extra 200k, which is enough for one more year of me ignoring my golf game and focussing on my gut. Didn’t work out so I was a little unhappy, but Phil and I closed a Hooters after the round on his dime which was awesome. Ricky Barnes is a spineless bitch. I’m gonna punch him in the face if I ever see him again.

It was nice to put that chunk of change in the bank. Nike no longer sponsors me in any formal way or financial way, so I have been living off of the scraps of my frequent 80+ rounds. I mostly dine at all you can eat buffets to stretch the dollar and my waist line, a motto my life has been revolved around for the last 7 to 8 years.

As far as the British Open goes I expect to win. Period. World #1's have never lost when its been played at Turnberry, so that makes me pretty confident. I hope the conditions include gale force wins and hard rain. I have a bigger body than most allowing me to keep warm in bitter cold, I also love to cram putts and hammer long irons at pins. If the weather is as brutal as I hope it is I expect to win by a wide margin. My gameplan is to shoot a first round 61 or 62 and then hit fairways and greens the rest of the way.

Q: You were the 882nd ranked player in the world prior to the US Open.
A: What's your point?

Q: Camillo Villegas was voted sexiest man on tour for the second year in a row, a lot of people think you should have at least been in the conversation, what do you say to those who voted against you?
A: I get this question a lot, but I don't have a ton to say about it. Camillo has the body of a belly dancer I used to date in Vegas. I feel like my body is more representative of the common man. My face is a little more symmetrical. I think I have more hair on my ass than he has on his body. His lips are better. He's a house cat and I'm a silverback ape. It's a tossup I guess.

Q: A lot has been made of your fall from glory. I mean you onced graced the cover of SI blowing out a flame off a golf club (shown above) in a photo op that certainly rivals almost anything ever done with a 8X10 shot. Go.

A: That was a great shoot (chuckles to himself and massages gut, followed by goatee). I personally don’t think there is much difference between what I can do on a course and what say, a Tiger Woods does. He has gotten some lucky breaks. I’ve missed a couple chances and shot a lot of above 80 scores that aren’t necessarily representative of how I have played. Do you realize that if it hadn’t been for a mistimed 3rd round 83 I probably win the British Open last year? I shot a f****** 59 once.

Q: Uh huh. Talk about how you have been preparing for Turnberry?
A: I don’t prepare physically in the traditional sense. I played a 2 day hooters tour event in Myrtle Beach about 2 weeks ago and won by 18 shots. I didn’t play in Tiger’s tournament. I had to make an appearance at this titty bar I like in Jacksonville. Signed some autographs, took some pictures and pulled down some serious coin. Why does Tiger Woods have his own tournament?

Q. I don't know. David, in 2001 Tiger Woods woke up in the morning and thought about how he was going to deal with David Duval. What's changed since then?

A. Now he's married, so he probably wakes up hoping I didn't give his wife the tongs the night before in his guest house.

Q: What Inspires you?

A: My mirror.

Lance Nike Ad, Pure Magic

If there are any uncertainties about our feelings towards Lance, refer to the article below.