Tim Tebow: Legend or Victim to Hype?

The Sports Bros are inclined towards the common man. Sure we like the Lebron's, Tiger's, Federer's (we hate Federer), Jordan's, Jeter's and Hornacek’s of the world. However, more so than the love of larger than life athletes, yours truly has a specific inclination towards playing-field heroes who are flawed underdogs and common men. Tom Watson, Andy Roddick, David Duval, Gus Frerotte, Todd Jones, Bill Mueller, Fred Couples (note: uncommonly buttery swing). The point here is that Tim Tebow is perhaps the least flawed athlete of our lifetime. No rap sheet, no accidental gaffe’s with the media, no drunkathlete.com pictures. The kid is an admitted virgin who speaks at prisons in his spare time while he isn’t doing missionary service in the Philippines. It begs the question, especially in light of our most detestable sports figures: How one can possibly dislike Tim Tebow?

Tebow is a role model for many, but there are also a great deal of fans across the country who are sick and tired of this kid. I think the media deserves partial blame. Ok seriously guys, we get that you are senior writers for the Worldwide Leader in Sports (and I’m talking to you here Forde, how you got that title is a mystery and a travesty that will never be understood. Write another Stewart Cink puff piece. The British Open was about you, Forde. All sporting events are about you) but at a certain point how much praise is too much praise? We understand that he is a great person, but there is no need to rub it in our faces while constantly reminding us of how many other athletes are assholes and jerks. At a certain point the overflow of love and adoration and praise (see cockboy federer and Dick Vitale nonstop bowl cleaning of psycho T Hansbrough) turn otherwise fans against the “too good to be true” athlete.

In a borderline historic role as Barney Gorman, or the “Garbage Pickin Field Goal Kicking Philadelphia Phenomenon,” Tony Danza reminded us all that even a salt-of-the-earth garbage man from Philadelphia could dream big and eventually make it as a kicker on the Philadelphia Eagles (Note: he strengthened his leg muscles to a ridiculous point by kicking his garbage truck engine). Athletes like Tim Tebow who are so overwhelmingly charismatic, talented, devoted and pious can turn off fans. There are no noticeable flaws, no reflection of most people in a kid who never takes a break from spreading the word of Christ to the the Far East, preaching to inmates, leading his teammates, and becoming a better and better football player on the side. While the world may need more people like Tim Tebow, the public doesn’t necessarily have to hear about it in a way that says “you aren’t doing enough.”

Barney Gorman was just a garbage man with a limited earning capacity and a lack of almost any noticeable skills. While he may not have been an iconic figure or the next Pope, you find me a man who doesn’t connect with Gorman on some level, and I'll show you a liar. 

I’m not saying that I, or anyone else, is rooting for Tebow to make a mistake or to show up on the police blotter.  But for Tebow, as well as the media, I think that a little bit of perspective, a little less about the preaching the church service and more about Tim Tebow as a college student who must curse, tell jokes, talk dirty to females, fart, and grab an ass here or there (male or female) would do him some good.  Maybe we should love him more for being so perfect, but I am a sucker for an ass-grabber. The fact is, and I'm sure many of our readers have picked up on this, the Sports Bros are much more aroused by college athletes like Matty Leinart, Marcus Vick, JJ Redick, and Nick Lachey. We want heros who hold the occasional funnel for the 18-year-old ASU girl, we want role models who go to the occasional practice still drunk from the night before while wreaking of unprotected sex. Less time in the leper colony and more time spent being an actual 21 year old could behoove you, Tebow. Just something to consider. 

P.S. Tebow's girlfriend is stupidly hot. RELAX, Tebow.

Top 5 Most Detestable Figures in Sports - #5 - Lane Kiffin

Perhaps the sleaziest human being on the planet. Hot wife. Father Monte is a super bowl champion and tremendously respected throughout the NFL. Lane is just a sleazy gutless kitten. This guy essentially takes a dive in the NFL with one of the league’s historic franchises, capped off with him actually sending Sebastian Janikowski out to attempt a 76 yard field goal. Seriously. Watch it. (Where does Kiffin get the balls to embarrass a stand up guy like Sea-Bass?) Kiffin reaches his goal of getting canned and takes the Tennessee job where he promptly guarantees victory over the gators and calls out Urban Meyer for cheating with a recruit (turns out what Meyer did was in no way illegal prompting a sleazy, awkward and somehow cocky apology from Kiffin). Note: do not speak to Urban Meyer unless spoken to. I don’t even think I could look the man in the eye without either becoming physically aroused or going into cardiac arrest (the former if he is in his Gator windbreaker or if his calf’s or glutes were in my line of vision). Tim Tebow actually said that he would follow Urban Meyer to the gates of hell. Dear lord.

If this paragraph of pain and reality doesn’t make Kiffin abandon his brand of sleaze, the beating that Meyer’s Gators are going to dish out to the Volunteers will suffice. Do not be surprised to see Tebow pull a Johnny Moxon and pop Lane Kiffin with an errant throw. Do not be surprised if Gator middle linebacker Brandon Spikes ritually sacrifices the entire Tennessee special teams unit at midfield. And absolutely do not be alarmed if Urban Meyer has a noticeable rock hard woody poking out of his slacks during the bloodbath. I am ready for anything.

Lane Kiffin, you have some balls degrading a borderline saint in Sebastian Janikowski and taking jabs at the emperor of college football Urban Meyer. You are #5 on sports most detestable human beings.

Honorable mentions:

-Stewart Cink: its not funny Cink take that goofy smile off your face, all you did was weaken a nation on Sunday. Seriously show me your green hat again though. Sweet Cink.

-Alberto Contador: I get it but at the same time I don’t. Who do you think you are?

-Jerome James: too hard to prove you actually play sports.

-Bernie Madoff: not involved in sports but I mean, come on Madoff.

-Fred Couples: if that’s not an obvious joke, there is something wrong with you.

Top 10 Most Eligible Bachelors in Sports - #9 - Matthew Stafford

Matthew Stafford is our choice for #9 on the most eligible bachelors in sports list. He's young (21), good-looking, and just signed a huge contract worth up to $78 million. He attended the University of Georgia where he was a stud both on and off the field. In his hometown of Dallas, Texas, there is a coined phrase termed the "Stafford Effect." This was a term made-up after the amount of kids applying to Georgia from his high school nearly tripled in three years from 2006 to 2008. You know you're fresh if there is a two-word term started in your hometown and your last name is one of those words.

The only unfortunate thing, and the reason he's lower on the list, is that he now lives in Detroit. Detroit may be the worst city in America, and he's really going to have to search hard for good talent. On the other hand, he was the number 1 pick in the NFL draft and is worth $80 mill, so it may not be too tough for him to find girls. Matthew Stafford: young, great blonde flow, quarterback status, #9 on sports most eligible bachelors list.

Shinskie, 25, Commits to BC

LOOP - David Shinskie, a 25 year old who has been playing minor league baseball player for the last 6 years, has committed to Boston College, and is their leading candidate for the starting quarterback job. Shinskie hasn't played organized football since the East-West Shrine game in June 2003. He had originally signed a letter of intent to play football and baseball at Delaware but was drafted by the Twins in the 4^th round of that year, pitching in AA there for 6 years before joining the Blue Jays’ league farm system. Shinskie was released three weeks ago by the Jays, but still wanted an opportunity to compete in athletics. "I've always been a competitive guy," he told ESPN.com. "I've been playing sports my whole life. When a door closes and another opportunity opens, I'm just going to try my best when I go there." Good to hear, Dave. You're really giving Eagle nation a lot to look forward to, citing the fact that you’ve played sports your whole life as a motivating factor for being our man under center in the ACC next year.

This is the sketchiest college football situation since Greg Paulus, arguably my least favorite athlete and/or person on this planet, told the world he would be playing football at Syracuse in the upcoming season. Shinskie is 25 and he’s going to be a freshman? (Lebron James is 24... yeah). First of all, my sincere apologies to all BC male freshman, on a count of this 25-year-old QB is going to be setting the bar pretty high in the eyes of your female counterparts. I suppose this is a positive for the Eagles, considering the only QB on the team with any experience at all was forced to transfer for academic reasons, and next in line were Codi Boek, a former junior college transfer who was playing fullback just a year ago, and Justin Tuggle, a red shirt freshman. It’s just going to be hard for me to get over the fact that I’m a grade above a football player who’s old enough to be the father of my little sister.

Eligibility guidelines have always intrigued me, and this is just a great example of why. However, big Dave is really using them to his advantage, and is setting one hell of an example for how we should all try and go about our twenties. The fact is “Living your Life Between 18 and 30 Like and Absolute Legend: The David Shinskie Story” is going to be a New York Times best seller.