Weekend Round-Up: Baseball Trade Deadline Update

We're about 100 games into this years' MLB season, which is usually a pretty good time of year to take stock of where everybody is at, whose gonna win each division, and some of the biggest surprises and disappointments of this year. With the trade deadline just passing, we're gonna go over what's going to happen in the season's final third of games.

AL East - New York Yankees - I'll admit, biased pick. To be honest, I have no way of determining what's going to happen in this race because everyone and their mom knows that it will come down to a few games at the end of the year, decided by one bad series by either team. The four game set in the Bronx next week will definitely be important, but whichever team comes up short will be my bet for the Wild Card. The Yanks and Sox have the second and third best records in the league, and I just don't see the Rays staging another miracle run this year, although they are playing solidly. One thing that I will say though-the Sox really bolstered their lineup by getting Victor Martinez. He'll split everyday time between first and third, letting Youkilis move across the diamond and giving the oft-injured Mike Lowell and generally sucky Jason Varitek days off when they are complaining of old men injuries. He's also a top tier power hitter, which kind of makes up for the fact that Big Papi is off the juice (kind of obvious). By the way, as Loop has already proved for me, I'm predicting way less fan outrage/fallout after this then happened when it was revealed that ARod was on roids. It's kind of funny but everyone was willing to look past the fact that Papi,

a player simply dumped by the Twins, became this huge power monster when he went to Boston. It's like everybody was so infatuated with his Shrek-esque smile and clutch hitting that they didn't realize that he wasn't actually supposed to be that good. But regardless, it makes me happy. The Sox two titles are tarnished and Papi is on pace to hit like 22 homers in his shriveled state. The Yankees lineup and stellar rotation, anchored by newfound hero Sergio Mitre, will suffice to grind out an AL East win. But seriously, expect the Yankees to make a waiver move and pick up another pitcher in the next few weeks. They'll continue to hit and win the East.

AL Central - Chicago White Sox - Getting Peavy is a really nice move for them. Obviously Detroit counters with getting Washburn, but Chicago is only a game and a half back in the Central and are in the midst of absolutely brutalizing the Yankees in a four game set. I've never been a huge fan of Jarrod Washburn, but Jake (the Jeweler, as I like to call him) is going to put their rotation over the top. Peavy, Buehrle, Danks, Gavin Floyd, and Contreras are a hell of a solid rotation, especially when you consider having to face those first three in a short series. On top of that, their lineup is shaping up well. Quentin is beginning to return to form, and Thome, Konerko, and Dye are all 30 homer guys. In addition they have young studs in the infield, including rookies Chris Getz and Gordan Beckham, both of whom are outside chances to win ROY. Although everybody hates AJ Pierzynski, in the end I see a Chi-Town surge to supplant the Tigers and distance themselves from the Twinkies, who I just don't think have the talent to hold on this year.

AL West - Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim - Texas is making an impressive run right now, but LAA will end up, like they always do, closing out this division in a cold, heartless fashion. As a Yankees fan, I know how demeaning and harsh a loss to the Angels can be, as they continually barrage you with a series of semi-well-known Hispanic players and some new reliever they've just called up and no one can hit. Here's something to note about the Angels though: they have a four game lead right now without Torii Hunter and Vlad in the lineup. When they both come back in early August, their lineup is going to be absolutely terrifying. Hunter, Vlad, Abreu, and Figgins are enough to make you shit your pants, but factor then factor in Juan Rivera and Kendry Morales. I told you, it's like the Angels just pull these guys out of thin air. Juan Rivera used to play for the Yankees, he was some token fifth outfielder that you could tell was solid but nothing special. Then he goes to LAA, reunites with his Hispanic brethren, and is on pace to hit .300 belt 30 and drive in 100. It's not right. But they will win the West, and if they play the Yankees in the first round I may or may not start to sob uncontrollably.

AL Wild Card - Boston Red Sox - yeah so we've basically discussed this already, but the Sox will surely secure the WC spot if they don't finish ahead of the Yanks and vice-versa. One more thing I want to say about Yanks/Sox deadline moves though. By getting Jerry Hairston, Jr., the Yankees only confirmed how desperate they are to make deals. It really is the one thing I can't take about them. They love having pieces they can move and play around with just to say "oh, well we could have this lineup if we wanted to." The trade deadline for them is basically akin to somebody shopping at a store like Brookstone or the Sharper Image, filled with things that nobody needs but I guess might be "cool" to have. When a normal team walks by that $45 picture frame that also is an Altoids dispenser, they think "yeah, that's sort of cool, but there's no way I'd ever need it", but the Yankees think "yeah sure just throw it in the bag we'll find a place for it." It's honestly retarded. Right now Johnny Damon, Brett Gardener, Nick Swisher, Melky Cabrera, Shelly Duncan, Hairston, and Eric Hinske are all outfielders on the roster vying for playing time. Yesterday, Girardi

DHed Teixiera so Cody Ransom could play first and Hairston could start in the outfield. I wanted to kill somebody. On a separate note, I truly believe that Cody Ransom is the single worst player in the entire major leagues. Seriously, the absolute worst. But still, Joe finds a way to play him a couple times a week. No idea why, but they find a way to work them into the lineup. Sorry for the Yankees rant in the Red Sox column, but yeah.

NL East - Philadelphia Phillies - the Phils are like Hansel. So hot right now. Not only are they crushing the rest of the East by six games over the Marlins, but everything they touch seemingly turns to gold. Nobody thought Raul Ibanez was supposed to be good...but boom. He's got 26 homers thus far. Everybody thought Cliff Lee was a fluke, but then he goes and hurls a 4 hit, complete game gem in his first game as a Phil. They're doing something right over there, and I don't think anyone in the East has enough firepower to catch up to these guys. Something that is really scary is that Ibanez, Howard, Utley, and Jason Werth all have at least 22 home runs. If I do a little math...yeah, they might all end up with 35 bombs each. It's kind of sickening to have that much power on one team, four legitimate 35 homer guys. But yeah, Philadelphia has it, along with Cole Hamels and Cliff Lee. If just one of their other starters (Blanton, Father Time, Brett Myers) can pitch decently they have a hell of a three man rotation for the playoffs. What I love the most about the Phils right now is their move to pick up Pedro. How awesome would it be if Pedro came back strong, won a couple of big games down the stretch for them (not like it would matter) and was a factor in the playoffs as Phila crushed the rest of the NL en route to another WS? It would leave me smiling and Omar Minaya speechless. On top of everything, Philly managed to acquire Lee without giving up prized youngster J.A. Happ. Also, Cole Hamels wife is hot.

NL Central - St. Louis Cardinals - in the name of Pujols, we pray.... Seriously, aside from thefact that I'm suggesting everybody join the Albert Pujols Club as shown in that link, the Cards are going to be a force to reckon with down the stretch and a legitimate title contender. The Cubbies have been playing well of late and have narrowed the gap in the Central, but the I remembered that they are cursed and will inevitably find a way to choke the season away as the typically due. Besides, as Confucius said, "Any team that has Milton Bradley on it will be doomed to a worthless existence". With the addition of Matt Holliday, Pujols finally has some legitimate protection in the lineup, which means that Ryan Ludwig and youngster Colby Rasmus can finally safely hide in Albert's large shadow as pitchers are forced to content with the beast that is Pujols. The Cards also have a very surprisingly good staff. Chris Carpenter apparently thinks that it's 2005 again, Adam Wainwright has 12 wins, and Joel Pinero has a 2.84 ERA. On top of everything their closer Ryan Franklin has a beard and a half; a surefire sign of a good closer when things get tight down the stretch.

NL West - Los Angeles Dodgers - for a team with very little power comparative to other titans of the league, it's pretty impressive that LA has such a cushy 7 game lead in the West. I've thought about the Dodgers a lot, and wondered why even though they are playing so well, are a pretty fresh franchise with a nice logo in a great city, how they are such a boring team? They have Manny, a famous manager, enough money and talent to be competitive, so why are they so lame? I've figured it out. It's because their three core players (Andre Ethier, Matt Kemp, and James Loney) are the same person. Not actually, but in the mind of the common fan, they are exactly the same. Just bare with me here. They all are young players who have sketchily similar strange names. That is I feel like you could re-arrange all of their first and last names and create players who you would have no trouble believing actually played for the Dodgers. Example:

Fan 1: Hey the Dodgers are playing pretty well this year.

Fan 2: Yeah that's because that guy Andre Kemp, hitting about .300, decent power, drives in some runs.

Fan 1: Oh yeah, that guy. They also have that James Ethier guy right? He's got about 60 RBIs right?

Fan 3: Exactly. Don't forget about Matt Loney though, hitting about .280, about 14 homers...

I'm pretty confident that if you ask any casual observer of the Dodgers they would agree with you. Same guys, same numbers ranging from very solid to great, and same generic baseball sounding names. Makes for a team that's hard to remember, but also playing pretty well. They'll cruise to win the West. One more thing though I'd like to point out about the NL West this year: great pitching. This is a sketchy fact, but as of today the number one and three ranked players in Yahoo Fantasy baseball are Dan Haren and Tim Lincecum. That's to say they are as valuable if not more to their teams than Albert Pujols. Chad Billingsley, Brandon Webb, and Matt Cain (ERA leader) are all in the division too. And Jake Peavy just left. Good pitching in the NL West. Sorry one more thing. Surprise of the year in the MLB is Mark Reynolds (3B, Arizona). He is the fifth ranked player in fantasy. Check out those numbers.

NL Wild Card - San Francisco Giants - yes, I went there. No to the Rockies, no to the cursed Cubs, yes to the perennial cellar dwellers from the city of Man Love. The Giants pitching staff is good enough to send a team of little leaguers up there to scrape out a run for Lincecum, Cain, and Sanchez. Maybe Freddy Sanchez and Ryan Garko will help them accumulate what little offense they need to win down the stretch, but I believe they can do it. Their pitching is tremendous, but they also have some bright spots on O that should be enough to allow them to hang in. Pablo Sandoval is probably the ROY in the NL, and players like Bengie Molina, Garko, Edgar Renteria, John Bowker, and Aaron Roward are just solid enough to give them the 1.1 runs per game average they need to be a potential playoff team. I'll admit it's going out on a limb, but why not? Maybe the Giants will get Barry to comeback for a down-the-stretch surge....

Best Commercial

Kind of random, but I was thinking about all the good "NBA: Where Amazing Happens" Commercials from the playoffs, and deemed that this was the best one

Goodell: Why So Serious?

PINNO - On August 8th, 2006, Roger Goodell was chosen as successor to Paul Tagliabue as commissioner of the NFL. This title is no joke, as it is essentially the person who holds the most power in the Nation's most popular sport. Goodell is to the NFL what White Goodman is to Globo-Gym. Now, Tagliabue is one of the most beloved commissioners of all time, and is the closest thing to God we will see on planet Earth. He always seemed to make the right call, and always had a cool head. There was something special about him walking out at the NFL Draft to announce what team was officially "on the clock." There were obviously some criticisms of Tagliabue, but these mostly consisted of things like the revenue disparity between high and low revenue teams, or the fact that he does not have a large football background and lacks charisma. But most of these criticisms were benign and overall his rating as commissioner was excellent. However, after 17 years as commissioner he decided to hang it up, and in came younger, cockier, and former NFL intern, Roger Goodell.

Goodell started as an administrative intern when he was 21 for then-Commissioner Pete Rozelle. Many praised his rise through the administration to COO in 2001, especially considering his internship was gained through an extensive letter writing campaign on his part. After Tagliabue announced he was to retire, Goodell was ultimately the consensus vote as his replacement. However, it was soon clear to many that he was not going to take the same approach that Tagliabue did: a calm, judicial, and usually correct approach. Goodell took the tough guy approach. There had been some scandal off the field that year for sure. Adam Jones and Chris Henry had been the focus of poor off-field decisions, but the most harsh punishment we really saw from Tagliabue was a 4-game suspension. The players were not ready for Goodell's new 'NFL Personal Conduct Policy'. In his first serious player conduct moves, he suspended Chris Henry for 8 games of the 2007 season and suspended Adam "Pacman" Jones for the entire 2007 season. Entire season! Are you kidding me? That was unheard of up to that point. Oh yeah, good idea Goodell, instead of letting a clearly troubled man be distracted from that life by the one thing he's good at, football, why don't you just suspend him for a year in hopes that he becomes a better man as opposed to going to a strip club with $40,000 worth of ones. (oh wait, he did do that(watch the link)).

A few months after these suspensions Goodell gets pissed off again and suspends Tank Johnson for 10 games of the 2007 season after he got in trouble with the law. 10 games? Thats like sitting down to watch a season of 24, but only watching hours 16 through 24 and still hoping you will get something out of it. Just recently in June, he suspended Dante Stallworth indefinitely. Way to go Goodell, you can't decide what to do so you just call it an indefinete suspension in hopes that everyone will eventually forget about Donte Stallworth and that he'll die on the street in 5 years with a Saints' helmet in his arms trying to convince other homeless people that he once upon a time was an NFL player. You're a dick, Goodell.

I didn't mind the way Goodell handled the Michael Vick situation for the past two years, but the call he made recently was outrageous. The Vick case is definitely a delicate one, as many Americans strongly believe he does not deserve to play in the NFL again. I am certainly not one of those people: Vick served a lot of time in jail for what he did, and now he needs to be back on the field doing what he was born to do. I thought Goodell understood that, until on July 27th, just a few days ago, he announced that Vick will be suspended the first six games of the upcoming season before he can play again. Why? Seriously, why? What is the point? He already hasn't played for two years and many fans will be critical of his return, so obviously it's going to be tough enough for him to get signed by a team. But yeah, just throw in a six game suspension just to chafe Vick a little. Six games? Why not 7, or 5, or 3 and 1/2. Be a little more arbitrary with the six games Goodell, oh wait, you can't be.

Alas, many have praised Goodell for his firm stance on player conduct, and perhaps it has scared players into being a little less reckless at clubs, bars, or whatever nightlife they attend to. However, I think Goodell's stance has been way too tough, and more of a Dictatorship than a Democracy. Ok Goodell, you were an intern in 1982, and you worked were way up so almost 30 years later you're the Commissioner of the NFL. Nice job, but just because you grinded to get where you are, doesn't mean you have to bring down Thor's Hammer to players in the NFL who need to be slapped in the face, not slapped with $500,000 fines and entire season suspensions. One more thing, is you're wife hot or not? Because I can't tell, and it's really starting to piss me off.

"The List"

LOOP - Yesterday it was released that Manny Ramirez and Big Papi Ortiz both tested positive for performance enhancing drugs in 2003. I woke up at about 11 am and promptly went on ESPN.com (usually how I begin my day), and learned of this unsettling news. At about 11:15 I went on facebook and saw about 11 status updates on the topic. "2004* 2007*" "Papi, how could you? My childhood is ruined." No, your childhood is ruined because your parents don't love you, not because these two names are on this list.

This thing is pissing everyone off. Everyone. What the hell is this list? Does someone somewhere have a piece of yellow legal pad paper with 100+ names written in crayon on it? It feels like the person who has this sheet of paper in their back pocket is just screwing with the baseball world in this form of chinese water torture name releasing. As a baseball fan, my worst fear is that we're going to get 2 names at a time every few months for the next 5 years.

However, This does in no way invalidate what my Bo Sox did in 2004 or 2007, they tested positive for performance enhancers in '03, so if you want to take away our ALCS runner up plaque, go ahead. This isn't revolutionary France, so in '04 and '07, when the rings were won, these two lovable Dominicans are still innocent until proven otherwise. This test wasn't even a test, really. It was an exercise Bud Selig set up to gauge the amount of users in baseball at the time. The deal was if 5% of players tested showed up positive, steroid testing in the MLB would be implemented.

I hate to disappoint those of you out there who think you found something to taint what the Sox have done in this decade (bitter, jaded Yankee fans), but this is unquestionably insufficient. Keep looking, haters, we'll see you all in October.

Tim Tebow: Legend or Victim to Hype?

The Sports Bros are inclined towards the common man. Sure we like the Lebron's, Tiger's, Federer's (we hate Federer), Jordan's, Jeter's and Hornacek’s of the world. However, more so than the love of larger than life athletes, yours truly has a specific inclination towards playing-field heroes who are flawed underdogs and common men. Tom Watson, Andy Roddick, David Duval, Gus Frerotte, Todd Jones, Bill Mueller, Fred Couples (note: uncommonly buttery swing). The point here is that Tim Tebow is perhaps the least flawed athlete of our lifetime. No rap sheet, no accidental gaffe’s with the media, no drunkathlete.com pictures. The kid is an admitted virgin who speaks at prisons in his spare time while he isn’t doing missionary service in the Philippines. It begs the question, especially in light of our most detestable sports figures: How one can possibly dislike Tim Tebow?

Tebow is a role model for many, but there are also a great deal of fans across the country who are sick and tired of this kid. I think the media deserves partial blame. Ok seriously guys, we get that you are senior writers for the Worldwide Leader in Sports (and I’m talking to you here Forde, how you got that title is a mystery and a travesty that will never be understood. Write another Stewart Cink puff piece. The British Open was about you, Forde. All sporting events are about you) but at a certain point how much praise is too much praise? We understand that he is a great person, but there is no need to rub it in our faces while constantly reminding us of how many other athletes are assholes and jerks. At a certain point the overflow of love and adoration and praise (see cockboy federer and Dick Vitale nonstop bowl cleaning of psycho T Hansbrough) turn otherwise fans against the “too good to be true” athlete.

In a borderline historic role as Barney Gorman, or the “Garbage Pickin Field Goal Kicking Philadelphia Phenomenon,” Tony Danza reminded us all that even a salt-of-the-earth garbage man from Philadelphia could dream big and eventually make it as a kicker on the Philadelphia Eagles (Note: he strengthened his leg muscles to a ridiculous point by kicking his garbage truck engine). Athletes like Tim Tebow who are so overwhelmingly charismatic, talented, devoted and pious can turn off fans. There are no noticeable flaws, no reflection of most people in a kid who never takes a break from spreading the word of Christ to the the Far East, preaching to inmates, leading his teammates, and becoming a better and better football player on the side. While the world may need more people like Tim Tebow, the public doesn’t necessarily have to hear about it in a way that says “you aren’t doing enough.”

Barney Gorman was just a garbage man with a limited earning capacity and a lack of almost any noticeable skills. While he may not have been an iconic figure or the next Pope, you find me a man who doesn’t connect with Gorman on some level, and I'll show you a liar. 

I’m not saying that I, or anyone else, is rooting for Tebow to make a mistake or to show up on the police blotter.  But for Tebow, as well as the media, I think that a little bit of perspective, a little less about the preaching the church service and more about Tim Tebow as a college student who must curse, tell jokes, talk dirty to females, fart, and grab an ass here or there (male or female) would do him some good.  Maybe we should love him more for being so perfect, but I am a sucker for an ass-grabber. The fact is, and I'm sure many of our readers have picked up on this, the Sports Bros are much more aroused by college athletes like Matty Leinart, Marcus Vick, JJ Redick, and Nick Lachey. We want heros who hold the occasional funnel for the 18-year-old ASU girl, we want role models who go to the occasional practice still drunk from the night before while wreaking of unprotected sex. Less time in the leper colony and more time spent being an actual 21 year old could behoove you, Tebow. Just something to consider. 

P.S. Tebow's girlfriend is stupidly hot. RELAX, Tebow.

Sports Bros’ All Movie Basketball Team

We plan on crafting basketball, baseball, and football squads, and they’re all going to be tough because LSB have a strangely vast knowledge of sports movies. That being said, we’re going to dig much deeper and get far sketchier with our selections, so buckle in.

Head Coach: Norman Dale (“Hoosiers”) – We get it, the cliché character from perhaps the most famous of all sports films, but this is a no brainer. This guy takes some little hick team with like 4 ½ players (the ½ being the little kid, Ollie, who shoots the underhand foul shots), an alcoholic in Dennis Hopper for an assistant, and wins an Indiana state title. He’s tough, he’s fiery, and he practically invented the art of holding that rolled up notebook that probably has nothing written in it.

Assistant Coach: Billy Hoyle ("White Men Can't Jump") – A hustling street ball player in the movie, but I don’t think anyone ever questioned the fact that Hoyle would make the leap in to coaching. He ads a D’Antoni-esque, speedy, up-and-down, offensive mindset that’s the perfect foil to Dale’s grind-it-out, hard nosed, defensive style. Ying and Yang, duality of man, you get the idea.

PG: Calvin Cambridge (“Like Mike”): This was a tricky one to decide, but the kid has all of MJ’s ability because he found his kicks, so you can’t really argue with it. He had cornrows when it was fresh to have cornrows, Dirk sketchily asks him for his autograph, and he has an awesome sidekick in the cute kid with the glasses from “Jerry Maguire.” Lead us Bow Wow.

SG: Jesus Shuttlesworth (“He Got Game”): Banging Rosario Dawson, being recruited by everyone but Krzyzewski (not white enough), and gives it to Denzel in one-on-one. Oh yeah, and he’s Ray Allen so he’s as pure as they come. Seriously, shoot with him in NBA 2k9 and see if you can prevent spontaneous ejaculation.

SF: Jimmy Chitwood (“Hoosiers”): I know, I know, we GET IT, he’s a true 2, but do you know how hard it is to find a natural small forward in movies? No movies revolve around anyone who plays the 3. Also, you just can’t not start Chitwood; he’s Arguably the greatest movie basketball player to ever live. Listen, this isn’t Big 10 basketball; this isn’t Wisconsin trying to beat you 38-34. This is going to be a grossly talented, offensively loaded team that Norman Dale teaches to play defense. Argue with me on Jimmy at SF. No seriously, argue with me.

PF: Ty Crane (“Coach Carter”): “Guys if you’re going to use someone from this movie at least make it Junior Battle, he is such a hard worker out there and it’s so cute that he can’t read.” Shut up and get out. He’s big enough to play this position and guard this position but as versatile as they come in movies. Basically, he’s the fictional Lebron, but bigger and a lefty. When a reporter tries to compare him to Lebron in the film he responds with, “There’s only one Ty Crane.” I know what you’re thinking now: “He’s a cancer, his ego’s too big.” Norman Dale dealing with an oversized ego is sort of like Jenna Jameson dealing with a 10-inch dick: simple and straightforward.

C: Neon Boudreaux (“Blue Chips”): He learned basketball like a week before he got recruited and practically tore down the rim every time he dunked. I’m pretty sure Neon was averaging like 10 dunks and 10 blocks every game, not to mention the fact he’s more intimidating than Ray Lewis at the club. He also worked hard and got the SAT score he needed, and turned down any illegal gifts from the “friends of the program.” Nothing not to like about Boudreaux as your paint presence.

Bench: John Tucker (“John Tucker Must Die”): The guy gets ridiculous amounts of ass.

Bench: Antoine Tyler (“6^th Man”): This Washington Husky was unreal until he died of an on-court heart attack. Now he’s a ghost who helps out his team, what squad wouldn’t want that?

Bench: Kenny Tyler (“6^th Man”): So Antoine has someone to talk to.

Bench: Saleh (“The Air up There”): This kid grew up on the dirt courts of Africa. He’s raw, he’s athletic, and he appreciates the opportunity to play in America on this sort of stage.

Bench: Nate Wilson (“Eddie”): A good-hearted veteran who is going to show some of the younger guys what it means to be a first class athlete and, more importantly, a first class human being.

Manager: Troy Bolton ("High School Musical"): So there's someone to haze.

Jamal Wallace: (“Finding Forester”): A good player and a great writer. He will tell the tale of this team. Through the lens that is his writing we will learn about the players who became men, and the team that became family.