Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Top 5 Most Detestable Figures in Sports - #5 - Lane Kiffin

Perhaps the sleaziest human being on the planet. Hot wife. Father Monte is a super bowl champion and tremendously respected throughout the NFL. Lane is just a sleazy gutless kitten. This guy essentially takes a dive in the NFL with one of the league’s historic franchises, capped off with him actually sending Sebastian Janikowski out to attempt a 76 yard field goal. Seriously. Watch it. (Where does Kiffin get the balls to embarrass a stand up guy like Sea-Bass?) Kiffin reaches his goal of getting canned and takes the Tennessee job where he promptly guarantees victory over the gators and calls out Urban Meyer for cheating with a recruit (turns out what Meyer did was in no way illegal prompting a sleazy, awkward and somehow cocky apology from Kiffin). Note: do not speak to Urban Meyer unless spoken to. I don’t even think I could look the man in the eye without either becoming physically aroused or going into cardiac arrest (the former if he is in his Gator windbreaker or if his calf’s or glutes were in my line of vision). Tim Tebow actually said that he would follow Urban Meyer to the gates of hell. Dear lord.

If this paragraph of pain and reality doesn’t make Kiffin abandon his brand of sleaze, the beating that Meyer’s Gators are going to dish out to the Volunteers will suffice. Do not be surprised to see Tebow pull a Johnny Moxon and pop Lane Kiffin with an errant throw. Do not be surprised if Gator middle linebacker Brandon Spikes ritually sacrifices the entire Tennessee special teams unit at midfield. And absolutely do not be alarmed if Urban Meyer has a noticeable rock hard woody poking out of his slacks during the bloodbath. I am ready for anything.

Lane Kiffin, you have some balls degrading a borderline saint in Sebastian Janikowski and taking jabs at the emperor of college football Urban Meyer. You are #5 on sports most detestable human beings.

Honorable mentions:

-Stewart Cink: its not funny Cink take that goofy smile off your face, all you did was weaken a nation on Sunday. Seriously show me your green hat again though. Sweet Cink.

-Alberto Contador: I get it but at the same time I don’t. Who do you think you are?

-Jerome James: too hard to prove you actually play sports.

-Bernie Madoff: not involved in sports but I mean, come on Madoff.

-Fred Couples: if that’s not an obvious joke, there is something wrong with you.